A Study on Manners
Introduction
I. This study applies to young and old.
II. We need to be aware of our manners to be the best example we can for JESUS.
III. Purpose: To help cultivate an awareness of proper social behavior.
IV. Importance: Manners tell others about the person's attitudes as well as his/her background.
Body
I. What Are Manners Really?
A. To most folks manners are how to eat at a fine restaurant, then to others it is the use of "please" and "thank you."
1. I don't take exception with either of these, but I believe manners are far more than most of us ever consider.
2. To quote a wonderful lady with great insight (Mrs. Hermine Hartley):
"Manners are more than using the right fork. They're using the right
attitude. Our behavior can affect our relationships much more than
our etiquette....manners are not stuffy rules wearing white ties and
tails. They can show up in T-shirts and jeans. Manners are simply a
matter of how we behave. How we treat one another. Good manners
show respect and consideration for others. They're not simply a veneer
we put on. Manners come from the heart. Good manners are really a
form of love."
a. Mrs. Hartley gives some quotes as examples of the basis of manners.
1) "Do to others as you would like them to do to you." Luke 6:31
2) "Self-respect is at the bottom of all good manners" Edgar S. Martin
3) "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not selfish, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."
1 Corinthians 13:4,5.
4) "Carefully avoid in yourself those things which annoy you in others."
Thomas a Kempis
5) "As in all of life, the critical thing is whether we take things for granted or
take them with gratitude." G.K. Chesterton
B. Manners are the "manner" in which we interact with other people.
C. All of us have manners -- good manners, bad manners, or something in between.
D. Often today people are bombarded with rude, insensitive, and shock value behavior.
1. All of which comes from a lack of self respect and/or a lack of being taught manners.
2. Rather than being rude right back, or totally staying away from people with such behaviors,
I believe we should teach by practicing being considerate and respectful.
a. After all that's how we'd want others to be with us; considerate of our feelings and of
our things, and respectful as a fellow human.
b. Also we should consider tolerance.
1) To tolerate has two opposing definitions in the dictionary.
i. The first is "to respect (others' beliefs, practices, etc.) without sharing them."
ii. The other is "to put up with."
2) No one should "put up with" bad behavior in the name of good manners.
i. There are many kinds and creative ways to express differences without being
rude or disrespectful.
ii. So if you choose to tolerate, do so with respect, and if you choose not to tolerate,
also do so with respect.
3. To quote Mrs. Hartley again, "The best time to tackle a minor problem is before it grows up."
a. Children learn best by example, so the old saying of "more is caught than taught" is ever so true.
b. If our children hear us speaking disrespectfully, or see us acting selfishly, then they will follow suit.
1) Most social behavior attitudes are learned before the first grade from children studying
their parents.
2) Besides being a good role model, love is the greatest influence we have on our children.
3) If a child feels understood, recognized, and loved, then the only manners we will have to
teach are etiquette.
E. To sum it all up I want to read something to you. The author is unknown, but very wise:
If a child lives with criticism, He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, He learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, He learns justice.
If a child lives with security, He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, He learns to find love in the world.
II. Proper manners toward one's own age group.
A. Learn to be sensitive to the other person's needs.
1. Identify and respect their moods.
2. Learn what you can expect about their lives, background, and interests.
B. NEVER never make fun of any physical characteristics.
C. Make a special effort in involving shy people in your or the group's attentions.
D. Learn to talk about their interests: Question them and listen.
E. In school and in church make a special effort to notice and include new people.
F. Try to be a friend to everyone … those who appeal to you as well as others.
G. Pay particular attention to the handicapped.
H. In general, try to act toward others as if you were their only friend and as you would like to be treated by them.
III. Toward younger children.
A. Always speak to them and act like you are interested in them.
B. Young children look up to teenagers as "heroes" and they value your attention.
C. Don't push them around physically or pick on them, especially in front of others.
IV. Toward parents
A. Learn to communicate respectfully.
1. Example: "ma'am" or "sir"
2. Be respectful even though you may be irritated or mad at them.
(You will get what you want much faster by being respectful)
B. Live by their rules and create trust.
C. Remember that what you are and what you do always reflects upon them.
D. Don't refer to them in disrespectful terms such as "my old man".
E. Don't throw up to your parents the fact that they may not act as your friend's parents act.
V. Toward older people
A. Always act courteously.
1. Use titles such as "Mr." or "Mrs."
2. Make prominent use of "Yessir" "Yes ma'am".
3. Shake hands firmly when introduced.
4. Learn to look into their eyes when talking to them or being introduced.
5. Speak plainly.
B. When approaching an entrance at about the same time always offer to let them go first.
1. Hold doors open, especially for ladies or aged...
C. Introduce yourself to visitors and welcome them.
D. At school and church look for opportunities to speak to guests or new people.
E. If driving, give the right-of-way to older people.
F. Elderly people, particularly, need much consideration and honor.
G. Be respectful of authority.
1. Disrespect is always a "no-no" whether to teachers, principles, policemen, parents, elders, or anyone else.
2. No good can come from disrespect, especially toward of those worthy of it.
VI. A Christian must always be the first to be mannerly in every situation.
Credits to Jack Zorn