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The following passage may seem old fashioned, but it is just as true today as it ever was:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2 Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth (Eph. 6:1).
A similar command is found in Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16. Even if a person never goes to school, he can still be a success in life; but this requires that he honor his parents. Indeed, God makes a promise to children who honor their parents, which is that things will go well with them, and they will have a long life. On the other hand, failure to honor parents is one of the sins Jesus used as justification or grounds for calling the Pharisees hypocrites.
For God commanded, saying, 'Honor your father and mother.' And 'He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.' But you [Pharisees] say, 'Whoever says to his father or mother, "Whatever profit you might have received from me is a gift to God"—then he need not honor his father or mother." Thus have you made the commandment of God [to honor your father and mother] of no effect by your tradition. Hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, saying, "These people draw near to Me with their mouth, and honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me. And in vain they do worship Me, teaching for doctrines [that is, as true doctrines] the commandments [the traditions] of men." When He called the multitude to Himself, He said to them, "Hear and understand. Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man (Matthew 15:4-11).
One's attitude toward another person can be the catalyst for words that bring on a biblical curse. (See the biblical definition of "curse": https://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionaries/bakers-evangelical-dictionary/curse-accursed.html.) An evil attitude can be expressed by children in dishonoring their parents with facial expressions, tone of voice, inappropriate words, constant or unjust criticism, etc. Parental disrespect was a profoundly serious matter in Old Testament times. A child who cursed his father or mother could be put to death (Exodus 21:17). While none are killed today (physically) for disrespecting parents, no one should reason that, because there is no death penalty, disobedience to parents is not a serious offense. Deuteronomy 27:14-26 provides a list of some abominable and very despicable behaviors for which a person might be cursed. Dishonoring one's parent(s) is among them. Note the rendering of verse 16 by the NKJV: "Cursed is the one who treats his father or his mother with contempt." To treat with contempt means "to make fun of, to make light of." We should never make light of our parents nor argue with them, regardless of our age. Those who are guilty are destined to suffer such calamities as physical and mental illness, a shorter than normal life, tragedies, and bad circumstances to include problems with family members. And unless they repent and receive forgiveness, the impending judgment will not be favorable.
We all, especially Christians, desire a close relationship with our parents. We see Christ's relationship with His Father, and we want the same with our earthly parents. But since neither we nor our fathers are flawless, a perfect relationship is difficult, if not impossible, to achieve. No father on this earth is ideal. Even the prophet David, who was "a man after God's own heart," was imperfect. Perhaps his imperfections contributed to the bad conduct of two of his sons. One, Amnon, was guilty of rape; and the other, Absalom, sought to take the kingdom from his father, David, and even tried to kill him. But David's deficiencies were not justification for rebellion, which did not turn out well for either of the sons.
Is there reason for justification of the sins of Ammon and Absalom, to include their dishonor and disrespect for their father, because of David’s shortcomings and failures in teaching them? No, they were their own person and were responsible for their own actions. The Bible teaches personal responsibility:
The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. The righteousness of the righteous will be credited to them, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against them (Ezekiel 18:20).
"A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul" (Prov. 18:7 ESV).
Link to more on personal responsibility:
https://www.gotquestions.org/personal-responsibility.html
https://www.padfield.com/2018/teaching-responsibility-to-children.html
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=children+blaming+parents+for+their+behavior&va=b&t=hr&ia=web
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/if-your-childhood-sucked-its-time-to-stop-blaming-your-parents.html
https://oureverydaylife.com/handle-adult-child-blames-parents-problems-16400.html
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/blaming-your-parents-hurts-you-most-0311134
A close relationship between parents and their children can be achieved only if the law of honoring parents is viewed as being given for imperfect situations. Since no one is perfect, God’s laws are given to help with flawed circumstances so that we can respond positively when difficulties and problems arise. The law of "honor," i.e., for parents, is intended to teach children how to respond when a parent makes mistakes in parenting or exhibits failures. This is when these laws are most important - they help us to act properly so we can best handle our relationship with our parents when conditions are not ideal.
Scenario #1: A disrespectful son was told by his father that he could not hang out with a certain bunch of guys whom the father thought were rowdy and would be a bad influence. The son had a temper tantrum, called the father names, hung out with the group anyway, and eventually was on drugs and in prison.
Scenario # 2: A respectful son was told by his father that he could not hang out with a bunch of boys whom the father thought would be a bad influence. The son remained calm and let his father know he respected his decision, but that he might want to reconsider upon further investigation. The "gang" the son wanted to hang out with was from church and was mostly involved in church related matters. The son asked the youth director if he would talk to his father, which he did, resulting in the father's changing his mind and commending the son for his choice of friends. The son grew up to be a leader in the church and the community.
Let us talk more about David. Was he perfect? No. Was he a good man? Yes. The Scriptures tell us he was “a man after God’s own heart” (1 Sam. 13:14). Even though he had been guilty of adultery and murder and done a poor job of bringing up his sons, he kept God’s favor. This was because he trusted God and showed his respect for who God is by his unwavering faith and loyalty in service and worship.
Just in case someone might think that disrespecting parents was just an Old Testament sin, we see the same basic teaching from Paul (emphasis mine):
And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, DISOBEDIENT TO PARENTS, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, not only do the same but also approve those who practice them (Rom. 1:28-32).
Some of the vilest sins are listed above, and "disobedient to parents" is right in there with them. No distinction is made regarding these behaviors as far as one's being worse than another.
But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God; having a form of godliness but denying its power. From such people turn away! (II Timothy 3:1-5).
The parable of the prodigal son illustrates the consequences of a son's turning from his father, and beautifully portrays the positive results of repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation (Luke 15:11-24). You know the story - how the son took his inheritance and wasted it in riotous living, ran out of money, and had nothing. He learned a great lesson and thus had the inclination to change his life for the better - to make things right.
Luke 15:20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. 21 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. 22 But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: 23 And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.
This story had a great ending. Unfortunately, children often disrespect their parents until the day they die, and then it is too late to make amends.
Words from the wise man, Solomon:
Proverbs 15:5 "A fool despises his father's instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is prudent."
Proverbs 10:1 "A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother."
Proverbs 1:8 "Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching."
Conclusion
Dishonoring our parents is one of the most serious among the behaviors that God condemns in Scripture. And since He denounces it over and over, we should get the message that it is a major offense in His eyes. He anguished over Israel, His children, who failed to show honor and respect to Him. God fed them, corrected them, guided them, and protected them if/when they were obedient, which showed their honor and respect for Him.
If one cannot honor his parents, whom he can see, how is it possible for him to be obedient to his heavenly Father, whom he cannot see? One who deliberately dishonors and disrespects his parent(s) cannot be a faithful disciple of Christ. Such actions are evidence of rejecting what God has said.
Suggested Reading:
https://www.bibletools.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Audio.Details/ID/656/To-Whom-Honor-Is-Due.htm
(A sermon on giving honor to parents. Be sure to read, in part two, the author’s writing about David’s honoring his father-in-law, who was jealous of him and sought to kill him.)
https://religioncheck.com/obedience-to-parents-benefits-importance/
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